Sports Loving Microbiologist Wanted

Up here in the Great Northwest, we don't have a Babe Ruth or a Billy Goat to blame it on (see: Seattle, curse of), so it just HAS to be some kind of virulent superbug (Staphylococcus seattlesportendis?) that causes the yearly fall from grace of 95% of our sports teams hereabouts. They start off good, and get worse as the season progresses. If one team makes it to the playoffs (note that I did not say wins in the playoffs, because, other than the Storm in 2004, that has not happened beyond the first round in how long???????), the others immediately tank and never recover.
It could be spread by droplet, airborne or foodborne, but it has to be pretty specific to only athletes, because it doesn't cause massive pandemics like the avian flu or other similar organisms. I don't think it responds to any kind of normal antimicrobial, else all of those who have it would have gotten better any time they got treated for a cold or other minor bacterial ailment. The fact that it could be a virus rather than a bacteria hasn't escaped me, in which case we are in trouble, because we all know that antibiotics don't do anything for viruses and antivirals pretty much just make the symptoms better, not cure the underlying cause.
What we need now is a dedicated research professional to isolate the organism and come up with a prophylactic antimicrobial medication right away (would this weekend be too soon? After all, the Hawks have their first playoff game next weekend, and it would be a good thing to get them covered empirically for potential infection before that time, yes?).
Then we can medicate the Sonics--they fired Coach Weiss, but I don't think that is going to cure their defensive doldrums. They need to get rid of the superbug.
The T'Birds may be too far gone for this year, but certainly get them covered prophylactically before next season.
And the M's need superdoses of the medication (they may also need mass hypnosis from a sports psychologist, but that's another blog), since spring training starts in less than 6 weeks.
Oh, and the college teams, too, of course.
If you're out there, please let us know. We would like to see 2006 end the Curse of Seattle once and for all. Call me.....